tw// suicide + depression
Look at me posting my May wrap-up perfectly on time this time. Honestly, May has been a roller-coaster. You may have noticed or not, but 2018 has been… Well, hell for me. It started well but ever since February, the anxiety and depression consumed me once again and I fall back into everything that I once was, this extremely sad and angry girl who couldn’t spend a day without getting hurt. May has been… worse than all of that. It hasn’t been as bad as it could have been, but it was honestly awful to live in my head. I was exhausted and had no will to get out of bed. I was angry all the time, always at something or at someone, and I could feel the pain inside my chest. I was sad and couldn’t even put myself to do something to cheer me up. I started complaining on the Internet again, I got mad at some of my friends, I stopped going out, watching tv shows, reading, writing, working on my Instagram and blog. I then went to Vienna with my school, which terrified me. I woke up and sobbed for 30 minutes because of how stressed and sad I was. I’d lie if I said I didn’t think about death those past few weeks, those past few months…
But then I came back, and something changed. While in Vienna, I took some risks, went out alone, talked to other people than my friends, went to night club, expressed my feelings and more. It really did something to me. I came home ready to get better, and I started to do everything in order to succeed. Just like after my suicidal attempt when I was 18, it felt like a slap in my face and I started to see the world clearer. As if I was drowning the entire time and that I was finally getting my head out of the water. I’m not saying I am healed and I don’t want to say that I feel amazing (even though I do, a little bit), but I know that I survived the first half of 2018 and that the second one will be incredible. I am ready to go to the hospital in a few days to get the keys to deal with my eating disorder, ready to push myself to enjoy life, ready to start living my adult life as soon as I’ll be done with master degree in a few months and to simply be happy.
Continue reading May wrap-up, favourites and other
Okay, I know. I suck at blogging. It’s not even that I suck, it’s just that everything went bad in those first few weeks of May and I couldn’t even put myself to sit down to post something. But! that’s something you’ll know more of in my May wrap-up. (I promise this one won’t be that late.) Anyway, here is what I have written for April but never posted:
April seems to have last forever and I am really glad to see it over now. It was neither a good or bad month, but I have hope for the future and I’m sure that everything will fall into place soon. Many things happened during this month: I went to the movies, my dad ran a marathon, I hosted a 24h readathon, I went to the French premiere of Love, Simon, I saw Infinity War three times (and cried every time), I worked on my thesis and finally have faith for it and I studied harder than ever. I also read a lot, listened to a lot of music, got drunk with my best friend like the old time, watched some tv shows and way too many Tom’s interviews. It really lasted forever, and I am ready for May to take its place.
Continue reading April wrap-up, favourites and other
Last Saturday, my friend Morgane and I hosted a 24 hours readathon. It wasn’t our first time – we both hosted some on our own over the past year. Doing it together was, however, new, and doing it next to each other as well. I slept at her place Friday and Saturday night, and we got to spend the entire day together, reading, reading… and reading.
Continue reading Clara x Morgane readathon: wrap-up
I don’t know how to start this wrap-up. February has been… let’s say, weird. Well, mostly painful.
After sharing how amazing January was for me, I am ashamed to tell everyone that last month somehow broke me. My mental health has been a wreck and got even lower than before, which is terrifying for me. This is why I didn’t post much lately, why I deleted Twitter, why I shared nothing anymore on my Instagram stories, why I also starting to read way more than usual: My brain is a mess and I don’t know how to fix it.
The good news in all of this is that in less than two weeks I’ll be going to spend a day at a new hospital to meet with some professionals who know how to deal with cyclothymia and eating disorders. So… yay.
Continue reading February wrap-up, favourites and other
The other day, I received four books – my entire book budget for the month of February. I spent a whole day thinking about what I could buy, what I somehow needed to buy and it finally arrived. Was I excited to receive them? Yes, of course – I love the idea of coming home to a package waiting for me. Was I happy when it finally was in my box mail? Not at all, and here’s why.
I know a lot of bookworms out there who love to have tons of unread books on their shelves. Maybe it’s because it makes them feel as if they are living in their own library, maybe they just don’t care about how many books they still have to read – the thing is that I know that some people have more than 100 books to read and are completely okay with it. And of course it is, but it‘s not working like this for me.
Continue reading Unpopular opinion: On hating huge TBRs
As I am new in the bookish blogosphere, I only heard recently of the Top Ten Tuesday topics (I know, I’m living on another planet) and since I only live thanks to lists, I had to keep it somewhere to finally join someday – and now is the time.
If (like me) you don’t know what Top Ten Tuesday is, it was created by The Broke and the Bookish in 2010 and was moved to That Artsy Reader Girl in January of 2018. A list of topics is up on that blog and every Tuesday you can create your own list, following the topic announced for the day, or just go with your imagination.
For the 13th of February, the topic was “Love Freebie” and after doing many researches to get exactly what it meant, here is what I have guessed from it: you basically have to choose any topic linked to “love” (favourite romances, favourite book boyfriends/girlfriends, favourite kiss scenes etc) and work on it.
For mine, I decided to switch the subject a little bit: I do not read a lot of romance books anymore and while I was doing a list of all my favourite love speeches, I realised I only listed heterosexual couples and I didn’t want that. I also felt frustrated because for me, “love” means so much more than just a couple – it includes friends, family, hobbies etc. So after thinking for a very very very long time, I remembered this quote from the last book I read, which is Tash Hearts Tolstoy, and it was: “It was love at first line.”
This is why today I am presenting you the top ten books I fell in love with at first line.
Continue reading Top Ten Tuesday: “It was love at first line.”
After a shout-out from one of the Internet’s superstar vloggers, Natasha “Tash” Zelenka finds herself and her obscure, amateur web series, Unhappy Families, thrust into the limelight: She’s gone viral.
Her show is a modern adaptation of Anna Karenina—written by Tash’s literary love Count Lev Nikolayevich “Leo” Tolstoy. Tash is a fan of the forty thousand new subscribers, their gushing tweets, and flashy Tumblr GIFs. Not so much the pressure to deliver the best web series ever.
And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a Golden Tuba award, Tash’s cyber-flirtation with Thom Causer, a fellow award nominee, suddenly has the potential to become something IRL—if she can figure out how to tell said crush that she’s romantic asexual.
Tash wants to enjoy her newfound fame, but will she lose her friends in her rise to the top? What would Tolstoy do?
Continue reading Review: Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee