June has been a very weird month. I spent three weeks at the hospital for my eating disorder, and they wanted to keep me for another one because I wasn’t getting better but I decided to go out anyway. I also lost my grand-mother while I was there, who I used to see every day and who I loved more than anything, and it was all a nightmare. However, I am still determined to get better and to take care of myself. I have tons of new ideas for this blog and I have to say that I missed blogging a lot while I was away!
July is supposed to be a better month as I am leaving for London on the 26th for YALC, an English book fair. I just can’t wait to go back to this city which I adore and which always makes me feel at home. Despite all the bad things that have happened, I’m really trying to make the most of the second part of 2018.
But anyway, let’s wrap-up June!
Continue reading June wrap-up, favourites and other
tw// suicide + depression
Look at me posting my May wrap-up perfectly on time this time. Honestly, May has been a roller-coaster. You may have noticed or not, but 2018 has been… Well, hell for me. It started well but ever since February, the anxiety and depression consumed me once again and I fall back into everything that I once was, this extremely sad and angry girl who couldn’t spend a day without getting hurt. May has been… worse than all of that. It hasn’t been as bad as it could have been, but it was honestly awful to live in my head. I was exhausted and had no will to get out of bed. I was angry all the time, always at something or at someone, and I could feel the pain inside my chest. I was sad and couldn’t even put myself to do something to cheer me up. I started complaining on the Internet again, I got mad at some of my friends, I stopped going out, watching tv shows, reading, writing, working on my Instagram and blog. I then went to Vienna with my school, which terrified me. I woke up and sobbed for 30 minutes because of how stressed and sad I was. I’d lie if I said I didn’t think about death those past few weeks, those past few months…
But then I came back, and something changed. While in Vienna, I took some risks, went out alone, talked to other people than my friends, went to night club, expressed my feelings and more. It really did something to me. I came home ready to get better, and I started to do everything in order to succeed. Just like after my suicidal attempt when I was 18, it felt like a slap in my face and I started to see the world clearer. As if I was drowning the entire time and that I was finally getting my head out of the water. I’m not saying I am healed and I don’t want to say that I feel amazing (even though I do, a little bit), but I know that I survived the first half of 2018 and that the second one will be incredible. I am ready to go to the hospital in a few days to get the keys to deal with my eating disorder, ready to push myself to enjoy life, ready to start living my adult life as soon as I’ll be done with master degree in a few months and to simply be happy.
Continue reading May wrap-up, favourites and other
Okay, I know. I suck at blogging. It’s not even that I suck, it’s just that everything went bad in those first few weeks of May and I couldn’t even put myself to sit down to post something. But! that’s something you’ll know more of in my May wrap-up. (I promise this one won’t be that late.) Anyway, here is what I have written for April but never posted:
April seems to have last forever and I am really glad to see it over now. It was neither a good or bad month, but I have hope for the future and I’m sure that everything will fall into place soon. Many things happened during this month: I went to the movies, my dad ran a marathon, I hosted a 24h readathon, I went to the French premiere of Love, Simon, I saw Infinity War three times (and cried every time), I worked on my thesis and finally have faith for it and I studied harder than ever. I also read a lot, listened to a lot of music, got drunk with my best friend like the old time, watched some tv shows and way too many Tom’s interviews. It really lasted forever, and I am ready for May to take its place.
Continue reading April wrap-up, favourites and other
I don’t know how to start this wrap-up. February has been… let’s say, weird. Well, mostly painful.
After sharing how amazing January was for me, I am ashamed to tell everyone that last month somehow broke me. My mental health has been a wreck and got even lower than before, which is terrifying for me. This is why I didn’t post much lately, why I deleted Twitter, why I shared nothing anymore on my Instagram stories, why I also starting to read way more than usual: My brain is a mess and I don’t know how to fix it.
The good news in all of this is that in less than two weeks I’ll be going to spend a day at a new hospital to meet with some professionals who know how to deal with cyclothymia and eating disorders. So… yay.
Continue reading February wrap-up, favourites and other
How come January is already over?
So many things happened and I grew a lot. As I said in another blog post, 2017 has been a very challenging year for me and I have been feeling terrible most of the time. As we are now in February, I can say that starting a new year has done a lot for me: I am trying to feel better and it is working.
I did a lot, started some of my goals, which I will talk about in another blog post soon, and for now it seems to work. I also started reading a lot again and I’m very happy to see that reading at least 10 books per month became “normal” to me – it’s now my own pace and I love it.
So here is what I read in January and what has been important to me!
Continue reading January wrap-up, favourites and other
November came and left so quickly. I still cannot believe that we are now at the last month of 2017 and it both amazes and scares me. The year went by way too fast and even though I know I did a million of things I still can’t quite believe that 2017 is coming to an end.
This month has been weird for me; it was both good and not good. Things happened, my mental health and health have been not so kind on me and I had to say goodbye to many people to be able to breathe again. I am proud, however, to see that I actually fought everyday to get better and dared cut off toxic people of my life.
Continue reading November wrap-up, favourites and other