July wrap-up, favourites and other

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Dear reader,

Surprisingly, July has been a great month. It had its down times, I am still grieving but I also did a lot of things and had so much fun. I started reading again, I finally worked a lot on my thesis and am actually proud of what I’m doing and started going out again, well not partying but seeing my friends, going to the movies and to Disneyland. I also went back to London during July and went to YALC, and it was all a dream. I am very proud of all the progress I made because I was still sad and anxious but I can feel myself changing and improving nonetheless.

Without further ado, let’s go back to July and see what I read and loved!

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June wrap-up, favourites and other

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Dear reader,

June has been a very weird month. I spent three weeks at the hospital for my eating disorder, and they wanted to keep me for another one because I wasn’t getting better but I decided to go out anyway. I also lost my grand-mother while I was there, who I used to see every day and who I loved more than anything, and it was all a nightmare. However, I am still determined to get better and to take care of myself. I have tons of new ideas for this blog and I have to say that I missed blogging a lot while I was away!

July is supposed to be a better month as I am leaving for London on the 26th for YALC, an English book fair. I just can’t wait to go back to this city which I adore and which always makes me feel at home. Despite all the bad things that have happened, I’m really trying to make the most of the second part of 2018.

But anyway, let’s wrap-up June!

Continue reading June wrap-up, favourites and other

May wrap-up, favourites and other

tw// suicide + depression

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Dear reader,

Look at me posting my May wrap-up perfectly on time this time. Honestly, May has been a roller-coaster. You may have noticed or not, but 2018 has been… Well, hell for me. It started well but ever since February, the anxiety and depression consumed me once again and I fall back into everything that I once was, this extremely sad and angry girl who couldn’t spend a day without getting hurt. May has been… worse than all of that. It hasn’t been as bad as it could have been, but it was honestly awful to live in my head. I was exhausted and had no will to get out of bed. I was angry all the time, always at something or at someone, and I could feel the pain inside my chest. I was sad and couldn’t even put myself to do something to cheer me up. I started complaining on the Internet again, I got mad at some of my friends, I stopped going out, watching tv shows, reading, writing, working on my Instagram and blog. I then went to Vienna with my school, which terrified me. I woke up and sobbed for 30 minutes because of how stressed and sad I was. I’d lie if I said I didn’t think about death those past few weeks, those past few months…

But then I came back, and something changed. While in Vienna, I took some risks, went out alone, talked to other people than my friends, went to night club, expressed my feelings and more. It really did something to me. I came home ready to get better, and I started to do everything in order to succeed. Just like after my suicidal attempt when I was 18, it felt like a slap in my face and I started to see the world clearer. As if I was drowning the entire time and that I was finally getting my head out of the water. I’m not saying I am healed and I don’t want to say that I feel amazing (even though I do, a little bit), but I know that I survived the first half of 2018 and that the second one will be incredible. I am ready to go to the hospital in a few days to get the keys to deal with my eating disorder, ready to push myself to enjoy life, ready to start living my adult life as soon as I’ll be done with master degree in a few months and to simply be happy.

Continue reading May wrap-up, favourites and other

April wrap-up, favourites and other

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Dear reader,

Okay, I know. I suck at blogging. It’s not even that I suck, it’s just that everything went bad in those first few weeks of May and I couldn’t even put myself to sit down to post something. But! that’s something you’ll know more of in my May wrap-up. (I promise this one won’t be that late.) Anyway, here is what I have written for April but never posted:

April seems to have last forever and I am really glad to see it over now. It was neither a good or bad month, but I have hope for the future and I’m sure that everything will fall into place soon. Many things happened during this month: I went to the movies, my dad ran a marathon, I hosted a 24h readathon, I went to the French premiere of Love, Simon, I saw Infinity War three times (and cried every time), I worked on my thesis and finally have faith for it and I studied harder than ever. I also read a lot, listened to a lot of music, got drunk with my best friend like the old time, watched some tv shows and way too many Tom’s interviews. It really lasted forever, and I am ready for May to take its place.

Continue reading April wrap-up, favourites and other

March wrap-up, favourites and other

Dear reader,

You probably forgot who I am by now. I mean, I never was consistent when it came to post on here but recently, I just completely disappeared. Do I have a good reason? Well, kind of. First of all, March has been a very stressful month for me: between university, busy weekends, events every week and all, it was hard for me to keep my head straight. I was anxious 24/7, never got to rest and ended up completely losing my mind. Second of all, I finally went to the hospital to talk about what’s wrong and even though I already knew that my cyclothymia was getting out of hand once again, we discovered that I was suffering from an eating disorder and OCDs. Even though it felt good to know, it was hard at first to get used to the idea, and also to get used to the fact that I will have to spend at least a month at the hospital soon to get better. So… This is kinda why I disappeared.

Even though I wasn’t really in the mood to write again on here, I couldn’t miss a wrap-up blog post, mostly because I love keeping a track of everything that happened each month and because it makes me feel good to re-read them from time to time, to see all the good things that happened to me and that I can do it. I somehow want to work on my blog again, so we’ll see how it’ll go in April, but during March I did nothing: I didn’t track what I watched, didn’t answer to comments, didn’t read as many blog posts as I used to do, and for this I am sorry. Anyway, let’s go back to business.

Continue reading March wrap-up, favourites and other

February wrap-up, favourites and other

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Dear reader,

I don’t know how to start this wrap-up. February has been… let’s say, weird. Well, mostly painful.

After sharing how amazing January was for me, I am ashamed to tell everyone that last month somehow broke me. My mental health has been a wreck and got even lower than before, which is terrifying for me. This is why I didn’t post much lately, why I deleted Twitter, why I shared nothing anymore on my Instagram stories, why I also starting to read way more than usual: My brain is a mess and I don’t know how to fix it.

The good news in all of this is that in less than two weeks I’ll be going to spend a day at a new hospital to meet with some professionals who know how to deal with cyclothymia and eating disorders. So… yay.

Continue reading February wrap-up, favourites and other

January wrap-up, favourites and other

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Dear reader,

How come January is already over?

So many things happened and I grew a lot. As I said in another blog post, 2017 has been a very challenging year for me and I have been feeling terrible most of the time. As we are now in February, I can say that starting a new year has done a lot for me: I am trying to feel better and it is working.

I did a lot, started some of my goals, which I will talk about in another blog post soon, and for now it seems to work. I also started reading a lot again and I’m very happy to see that reading at least 10 books per month became “normal” to me – it’s now my own pace and I love it.

So here is what I read in January and what has been important to me!

Continue reading January wrap-up, favourites and other