Those three men who changed my life

Dear readers,

Over the years, I came to love and admire many people, either they were fictional or not. Some stayed with me, like Emma Watson who has been my role model since I was 5, and others simply disappeared. They have all been useful at a certain point of my life, like Kellan Kyle or Harry Styles, but the love I had for them wasn’t strong enough for me to keep admiring them as I used to do.

However, three men clearly stole my heart those past few years and made me a better person. I decided to talk about them today as I needed to express my love somewhere. I’ll talk about women later on the blog, as I wanted to focus on those three people who really changed me over the months.


Lin-Manuel Miranda

There was no way I could start this post without talking about Lin-Manuel Miranda and anyone who knows me just a little knew that I had to include him.

For those who don’t know who he is: Lin-Manuel Mirana is an American composer, lyricist, playwright, and actor best known for creating and starring in the Broadway musicals Hamilton and In the Heights. He co-wrote the songs for Disney’s Moana soundtrack (2016) and is set to star in their upcoming film Mary Poppins Returns. Miranda’s awards include a Pulitzer Prize, two Grammy Awards, an Emmy Award, a MacArthur Fellowship, and three Tony Awards. (Wikipedia)

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I came accross him at the very beggining of 2016 when I heard about Hamilton, an American Musical for the first time. It took me a second before I fell in love with him when I heard his voice in Alexander Hamilton. I didn’t know what he looked like, who he was, but my heart stopped nevertheless.

Of course, soon after that I did some research and everything I started to learn about him made me love him and admire him more and more. Lin is a genius who seems to be able to do anything. Time passed and I never stopped looking out for him.

He came into my life when I needed someone to tell me to rise up, to not throw away my shot, and for that I will always be grateful. Ever since I started to listen to his work my life completly changed: I was listening to Hamilton before going to my interview for my new school and for my job in a publishing house. I got them both and I like to believe that it was his words that inspired me to do it, even though I was terrified and close to give up.

Julian Blackthorn

I believe that everyone who follows me on social media saw that one coming. How could I write about men without even mentioning the one who made me feel better through 2017?

For those who don’t know who he is: Julian “Jules” Blackthorn is a Shadowhunter who has lived his entire life at the Los Angeles Institute. He lives there alongside his siblings and Emma Carstairs, his best friend and parabatai. (Shadowhunters Wiki) He belongs to the world created by Cassandra Clare.

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I met Julian Blackthorn in 2016 while reading the Mortal Instruments series but really got to know him when I finally read Lady Midnight (the first book in the Dark Artifices trilogy) in January 2017. Little did I knew that he would crush every other book boyfriends I ever had and even my expectations in men (I wish I could say I’m exaggerating, but I really am not).

Julian is calm, loyal to his family and friends, and knows when to be funny or serious. We share a lot of things, like being Slytherin, but the thing that really got me to love him that much was how Cassandra Clare described his point of view on relationships and attraction. Based on that, a lot of people understood that he was demisexual, which I also am. Being demisexual basically means that we “do not experience sexual attraction unless we form a strong emotional connection with someone” (see full description).

Seeing myself in someone else in literature made me feel good, as my sexuality troubles me a lot. It is not easy to see yourself not being attracted to anyone as you grow up, but Julian gave me hope and made me see clearer. He helped me accepting and loving myself, and I will always owe him this.

Tom Holland

Honestly, this blog post is going to seem very predictable for anyone who knows me a little.

For those who don’t know who he is: Tom Holland  is an English actor and dancer. He is best known for starring as Peter Parker / Spider-Man in the superhero films Captain America: Civil War (2016) and Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), as part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). (Wikipedia)

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I first heard about Tom Holland when he got casted as Spider-Man. As I didn’t see the movie Captain America: Civil War yet, I didn’t know much about him. (It’s my biggest shame as a Marvel lover. I really don’t know why I still haven’t seen it.) That is why it all really started when I saw Spider-Man: Homecoming for the first time. (To this day, I have watched the movie 7th times and will probably never stop.)

I wish I could explain what pushed me to love him, to admire him. Maybe it was his voice or his smile or his hair or the way he laughed. Maybe it was because he can dance and knows ballet and also used to sing in a musical at West End. Or maybe it was because he’s so close to his brothers or because he has a dog named Tessa. Honestly, I have no idea, but the fact is that he somehow became a huge part of my life.

As I suffer from anxiety, I discovered that watching a compilation of him dancing made me relax when I felt a panic attack coming. I then found myself watching videos of him more every day, until it became a daily ritual. Something about him made me feel better about myself, made me simply feel good. He inspires me to get better whenever I feel down and that isn’t something that a lot of people can do.


I can’t express how grateful I am to have those three men in my life. They each give me something special every day and they always make me feel better.

I must say that I have a weird relationship with celebrities, as I don’t feel as if I could love them since I don’t know them, but Lin and Tom made me feel different. As for Julian, it has somehow always been him.

Who changed your life in the best way?

Love always,

Clara

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Bookstagram, part I: Creating your account

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Dear readers,

You may not know but I have been on Instagram for a year now and my account has been growing really fast without me realising what was happening or how I got so lucky. Over the months, many people asked for my advice and even though I gave some, I felt silly because I had so much to say and never really had the occasion to develop my thoughts.

This is why I am bringing you today the Bookstagram Guide which will be devided in three parts: the first part will explain you how to start, the second one will focus on the editing part and the third one on how to progress through the months. I know those kind of posts have been done a lot so I’ll try to say new things and talk about my story as well. In no way I am assuming that I know everything about bookstagram – this is only to help, as those blog posts have been helpful to me when I began to be sure I wasn’t doing anything wrong.


HOW TO START
  • Find a name

Now that you decided that you wanted to join the bookstagram community, you need a username. This step may seems easy but is actually really important. It should reflect your account, your personality and actually be striking. It can be the first thing people will see about your account, so choose carefully. Many people told me they started following me because of my username, and I do give a lot of thoughts before following soemone: Seeing an account being called “b00ks4lif3” won’t make me want to click on it.

Many guides tell you not to choose a too long username and it’s true that short ones are somehow better but mine is long and it never bugged me. The only advice that is worth taking is that your username should be related to literature: it can be a reference to a quote, to a character, to a book or just be related to the act of reading, the pages, the book itself etc: That way people will know your account is a bookstagram without having to click on your profile to check.

  • Decide if you want to stick to a theme or not

Now that you have your username, you have to decide what you want your account to look like. All my social medias look alike: they’re all white and apparently minimalist. My bookstagram also follows those rules and I work hard to maintain a feed.

What is a theme or a feed: it's the aesthetic of your account. Having a feed means that all your pictures look great together - they do not have to look alike but they respond to each others because of the colours you use.

It’s okay if you don’t want to start a theme because I know they are hard to stick to but I won’t lie: it’s better if you do. Most people I follow have one. I started to follow them because when I went on their accounts the whole thing looked professional and thought.

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my instagram feed – @thebookwormofnotredame

I will talk more about editing and maintaining a feed on the second part of this guide.

  • Post on a schedule

A lot of people believe that posting once a week should be enough, but it’s not. You have to be constant in your posts and to give people something new at least every two days. When I started my account, I used to post twice a day and it worked. More people were joining every day. When I started to have a lot of followers, I decided to lower it to one post per day. Now, I post every day except on the weekend.

Many accounts still post twice or more, but you must be careful: do not over post (it can be frustrating for others and many won’t see them) and make sure you have enough pictures to do so. I highly recommend posted once to twice a day – it is enough and will make people want to see more of your work.

  • Talk to people and make friends

Now here is the most important tip I can give you. I started following many people because we started being friends, and not for their pictures. Plus, talking to people will make others commenting on your posts and talking about your account. So do not be shy: comment under others pictures, answer to stories, tell people you love their work.

I know how hard this can be but I can assure you that 95% of people on bookstagram are nice and welcoming. I suffer from anxiety but never felt unwanted there. Also, be sure to use the stories and to share about what you are reading, your life or anything on there. This is super useful to create a link between you and your followers.

SOME MORE TIPS
  • Do not be obsessed with followers, likes etc

I can see you rolling your eyes and saying, “Easy to say that when you have 13k followers”. But you know what? I also had 0 followers one day and I saw it growing. I was always thankful but never really cared about it – as I said, it came by surprise. All I know is that focusing on this will make you unhappy but I also know that it’s not that easy, that we all look to those numbers at the top of our accounts.

The thing is that we can decide how it affects us. It may take time for you to start seeing it in another way but you will eventually. I can assure you that your followers number does not define you nor your work – many of my favourite accounts don’t have much.

I also know that sometimes it doesn’t work. You may take beautiful pictures but you feel as if your work isn’t acknowledged enough and it’s okay. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t feel bad for being that way. So talk about it to your friends, you can even talk to me about it and we’ll find a solution.

The third part of this guide is dedicated on how to make people see your work.

  • Look for inspiration 

Pinterest will become your bestfriend in no time. If you are looking for inspiration, just log in and search for bookish pictures or else. I can assure you that it will come back. You can also scroll your Instagram feed until you have ideas again.

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But be careful: do not copy others pictures. You can be inspired by them but not do the exact same thing. If you feel as if your picture looks too much like another one, send it to the person and ask if it’s okay. Do not forget to credit them even if they say that it is.

  • Schedule your photoshoots

How many times have I seen people saying they didn’t have enough pictures? The only advice I have is to schedule your photoshoots and to stick to it. Do as many pictures as you need/can. Sometimes it won’t work, that’s for sure, but you still have to try. Try new things, new places, new angles, new props, but always plan most of your photoshoots and make the best out of it.

  • Write captions

I beg you: write captions and ask questions. This may seems really stupid and maybe even logical but it’s not for everyone. Many people just put quotes and got surprised when they have no comments. You have to make people wanting to comment under your pictures.

Many people talk about their days (which I used to do as well) and others do like me and use those captions as mini blog posts. I love to open a debate, so that people can answer and talk in the comments. I always talk about a bookish subject, then ask a question at the end. I feel close to my followers thanks to it, and it has been working amazing since I started. (I also write all of my captions in advance every Monday morning for the entire week. It can take me an hour or so but it’s worth it. If you want me to talk more about I organised myself, tell me and I’ll write a blog post about it.)

  • Put hashtags

Future bookstagrammers, use all the bookish hashtags. I usually put them at the end of my caption after three dots so it’s seperated from my text, or in a comment.

Here’s those I use daily:

#bookster #bookstagram #booknerd #book #bookphotography #booklover #pages #instabook #reading #lovereading#vsco #vscocam #bibliophile #bookish#bookstagrammer #igreads #bookaholic#reader #booknookstagram

You can also put hashtags for the author’s names, the title of the book etc. Do not be afraid to use them: It’s a great way to make your work visible.

I’ll talk more about it in the third part.

  • No need to have an expensive camera or editing software

Know this: I always used my phone and free applications to take and edit my pictures. I’ll soon have a camera for Christmas but I still got where I am without it. So no pressure: You don’t need anything fancy to start nor to keep running your account.

I’ll talk more about this in the second part.


Now that you know how to start, I can’t wait to see your accounts. Send me your usernames in the comments!

Love always,

Clara

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Mental health, part I: anxiety, cylothymia, social media and me

Dear readers,

As today is #WorldMentalHealthDay, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to start posting about mental health. If you don’t know, I suffer from cyclothymia and anxiety, and talking about it is important to me. It would have helped me a lot when I was younger to find those kind of articles, and this is why I decided to start posting about it.

For this first post, I will talk about the impact of social media in my life next to my anxiety and cyclothymia.

TW: hospital, suicide, coma

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HOW IT ALL STARTED

Since I got my very first laptop at 11 years old, I have always been on the Internet but it’s only when we discovered my diabetes that I started to use it in a different way.

What happened to me was rough and I won’t talk a lot about it on this post but I still have to develop some parts for you to be able to understand the whole thing.

After weeks of losing weight, drinking tons of water, being unable to eat because my tongue was hurting me, I went on vacations with my grand-parents in the South of France. That’s when everything started to get worst— and when I stopped breathing. They took me to the hospital and I was in a coma for awhile. When I woke up, it took me days to be able to finally sit on my bed and it’s only after that my familyt booked a plane for me to go back to Paris in a wheelchair with a doctor. When I finally arrived in this new hospital next to my family, I started seeing a psychiatrist: they told me that what happened to me will make me feel the same thing I would have go through if I lost my mom, and so that I would have to go through the stages of grief.

A few years later, two months before turning 18, I tried to kill myself. There’s no way to sugarcoat it.

That’s when the psychiatrist talked to me about cyclothymia, anxiety etc. It was hard but I took it anyway— it felt good to put a name on what was happening inside of me. So I decided to get better, and that’s what I did.

That’s when I was introduced to the Role Playing Game world on Facebook. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a game in which you have to create an account for your character and then simply play them. There’s a plot created by the moderators and you decide every move of your character by writing their stories with others. It’s like writing a novel with tons of point of views and writers.

And so I played Lily Luna Potter (from the Harry Potter world). And it felt good.

I was somebody else— prettier, smarter, funnier. I had friends there, my character had a boyfriend, and more importantly she wasn’t diabetic. At some point, I lost myself in the game. I didn’t want to be who I was. But the game had to stop and so I joined another one which made me feel better, but somehow even worse. The relationship I had with the person I was playing with was abusive but I let it happened because I couldn’t be myself, I couldn’t bear living with who I was and I didn’t want to be me.

Next to that, I joined Twitter again. That’s where I used to talk about my real feelings. How I felt trapped, lost, bad. How I wanted to disappear, how I hated myself. It may seem stupid, the whole thing, but it did help me. But as my psychiatrist said, it couldn’t last forever. The game couldn’t last forever. It was like a crutch and I’ll have to let go at some point.

WHEN IT TURNED BAD

“This was just a sad invention. It wasn’t real, I know. But we were happy. I guess I couldn’t let that go. I guess I couldn’t give that up. I guess I wanted to believe ’cause if I just believe, then I don’t have to see what’s really there. No, I’d rather pretend I’m something better than these broken parts, pretend I’m something other than this mess that I am ’cause then I don’t have to look at it and no one gets to look at it. No, no one can really see…” Words Fail, Dear Evan Hansen (musical)

Even though it made me feel better, it was all a lie.

The character I was playing wasn’t me and talking about my problems online wasn’t helping me neither. I was making myself feel more miserable everyday and it all became an obsession.

Soon, I couldn’t stop using my phone.

I needed to play,

to tweet,

to do something else than being by myself.

I couldn’t even go out and spend some time with my friends because I was embarassed for them to be seen with me and because I couldn’t miss a chance to play.

I was online non-stop. It was impossible for me to miss a day, an hour, even a minute.

And I think I realised how bad it turned out when I did try to kill myself and that the first thing I asked my mom to do was to take my phone and text the person I was playing with where I was.

Because I didn’t want them to think I was inactive.

Because I wanted to play but I had to stop.

HOW I STARTED TO CHANGE

When I came out of the hospital, I decided to do something about it, mostly because they wanted me to go to a psychiatric hospital and I didn’t.

I promised my mom and myself three things:

  • I will go out more, at least once a week to start with;
  • I won‘t spend so much time on my phone anymore;
  • and I will only be positive online.

And that’s what I did.

At first I only went out every Sunday with my best friend. Then we started to do it more, and now I’m almost always out (even though my body can’t always take it, but that’ll be for another post).

I played less and the person I was playing with didn’t take it well. A year later we stopped it and I never felt better than the day it was all over, the day I stopped talking to them and pretending I was somebody else.

I started to share positive thoughts on my Twitter instead of negative ones and to even help people, be nice. Instead of saying what was wrong, I talked about the things that made me happy. It was hard at first but soon it made me feel better because I was only surrounded by happy thoughts everywhere. I still felt bad, but it was getting better.

I think that the most important thing I have ever did, beside of all that, was going out by myself and stopping using my phone when I was with my friends. It was hard, even scarry at first, but I did it and it worked for me.

I don’t remember when I started to feel better exactly but something really important happened to me when I left the hospital this day.

I came out as someone new, ready to fight and to live my life properly. To love myself and to use social media in a way that would make me feel good.

No matter what, I loved social media. I was the one who used them to hurt myself, but I could change all of that and see them as something else, as a way grow up and accept who I was.

WHERE I AM TODAY

A few months ago, I realised that texting a lot was stressing me. That was something I used to do while playing online and somehow I couldn’t do it anymore.

And so I just stopped.

I told my friends how I felt, they understood and they now know that I won’t necessary answer immediatly or all the time. I barely answer to pictures sent with Snapchat and it can take me a day to answer to a text (obviously, non important) even though I saw it, but that’s okay. I now know myself and how to handle this. I don’t have to answer to people right away and my mental health should be my priority.

I also realised that the notifications were making me feel bad. Each time I got one I was mad and sad.

And so I cut them off.

I only kept the ones for the text messages in case something happens, but I am now free from all of this. And it really makes me feel better. I don’t feel like I can’t breathe anymore, I don’t feel overwhelmed by all those new informations that can be useless sometimes. I am now free to read whatever I want whenever I want to.

I also stopped giving attention to social media, texts and notifications in general. To this day, I am surrounded by amazing people who are understanding and who love me for who I am. I don’t need to wake up with tons of messages to feel loved and I can go a week without receiving anything without freaking out. I do understand that some people see notifications as a sign of recognition, of love, and it’s totally okay to feel that way. Unfortunately, I had to change this for me to get better.

WHERE I AM NOW

Today, I feel good but mostly at peace. I love social media because they helped me to get through some dark times, they made me meet most of my best friends and taught me a lot (even about my sexuality). Even though I love social media, I still learned to get some distance with them and to use them in my own way.

Starting my bookstagram account a year ago really helped me too and made me feel more confident. I have no notifications turned on for it, I answer to messages and comments when I can and feel like it but do not pressure myself— for now it’s working well.

It is important to say that I want to become a publisher or a community manager in the future. Yes, I do want to work with social media. They are a huge part of my life and I am sure that they can save people if we know how to use them and if we remember to spread love on them, to be kind.

“Every time you post something online, you have a choice.
You can either make it something that adds to the happiness levels in the world—or you can make it something that takes away.

I tried to add something by starting Girl Online.

And for a while, it really seemed to be working.

So, next time you go to post a comment or an update or share a link, ask yourself: is this going to add to the happiness in the world?

And if the answer is no, then please delete.

There is enough sadness in the world already. You don’t need to add to it.”
Zoe Sugg, Girl Online

WHAT I LEARNED FROM ALL OF THIS

Dealing with cyclothymia and anxiety is hard, but we can find ways to make it easier. If something is making you feel bad, ask yourself if you truly need it and/or if you can improve it, change it. It will take time for you to find the right solutions but remember that your mental health should be your first priority. You deserve to be happy and if, like me, social media is a source of stress, then cut it out. You can still use them but in a safer way.

Ps: Do not ever be afraid to unfollow people. You should be surrounded by people who are safe and understanding. If not, let them go. It took me years to understand this but trust me, it works.

Love always,

Clara

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My #Victober TBR | 2017

Copie de Wanderlust GIFT IDEAS (3)

Dear readers,

I cannot believe that it finally is October. You may not know, but it actually is my favourite month of the year. As for someone who hates the heat and who is literally allergic to the sun (I swear, I am a nightmare), Autumn is my paradise. Seeing all the leaves on the floor, being able to wear my sweaters again, walking home while it’s dark outside and working with the sound of the rain make me more than happy and I now feel alive again. In a few days, it’ll be my birthday then Halloween and I can’t wait to properly enjoy this month.

This year, however, October is even more special to me, and it’s because I’m participating in #Victober.

What is #Victober?

#Victober is a Victorian readathon, which is happening throughout the whole month of October during which you have to read as many Victorian novels you can/want to.

There are some challenges, but you don’t necessarely have to complete them. As for me, I don’t intend to do so, but here is the list anyway for this year:

  • read a Victorian book by a Scottish, Irish or Welsh author;
  • read a lesser-known Victorian book (less than 12.000 ratings on Goodreads);
  • read a supernatural Victorian book;
  • read a Victorian book that someone recommended to you;
  • and read a Victorian book by a female author.

It is hosted by four booktubers, who are: LucyKatie, Kate and Ange.

What am I going to read during #Victober?

Since I do not really intend on completing any challenges, I went to my TBR pile and take out every Victorian novels. I decided to try to read them all, but to focus on five novels first, which can actually work for the challenges as well.

Here is what I want to read:

  • Dracula by Bram Stoker (re-read) (can complete challenges 1 and 3);
  • Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë (can complete challenge 4);
  • Lady Audley’s Secret by Mary Elizabeth Braddon (can complete challenge 5);
  • The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins;
  • and Two on a Tower by Thomas Hardy, my love (can complete challenge 2).
How am I going to proceed?

Reading 10+ books per month, I am not intimidated by this TBR but mostly excited. However, I will also read other books from my TBR pile which aren’t part of the Victorian literature. To highlight my #Victober readings though, I will post a review for each Victorian novel read on both Goodreads and my blog.


Now that you all know everything about #Victober, I hope that many of you will join this readathon and have fun with us. The Victorian Literature is amazing and I can’t wait to finally read and reread those five novels.

Tell me in the comments if you are joining or what books you want to read during October!

Love always,

Clara

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I am back!

Wanderlust GIFT IDEAS

Dear readers,

If you have been following me for awhile on my bookstagram account called @thebookwormofnotredame, you may know that almost a year ago I started this blog but decided to stop working on it a few weeks after launching. The reasons were simple: posting every week was stressing me and I didn’t feel like a blogger anymore. Honestly, I didn’t know what to talk about and, even though I always loved writing, I couldn’t find any inspiration.

So why am I back? you may ask. Well, let me explains myself.

In August, I decided to launch my very own booktube channel. I always wanted to do so and finally find the courage to open it. To be honest with you all, it made me the happiest. I always loved booktube and having my own channel felt like a dream— plus, people actually liked what I was posting. The problem was that I was editing on my phone to be able to use iMovie, an application that I can’t have on my computer. However, it started to get more and more difficult— videos take a lot of storage and I couldn’t save them on my phone anymore. And, as if it wasn’t enough, it was becoming harder and harder to edit on my phone— the videos were long and it was tiring to work on such a small screen. Then, one day, my dad told me he was thinking of getting a new mac and, so, giving me his old one, which would mean me finally having iMovie on a computer. But here’s another problem: I won’t have it before a few months, and I miss booktube. I miss it but at the same time I don’t want to rush things, to tire me or else— I want to do it right and if I have to wait 2018 to be back, then I will.

And this why I am launching this blog again.

Under every one of my posts on Instagram, I write a very long caption. I like to see them as blog posts, and people have been talking a lot about it. I recieved so many compliments about my writing style, the subjects I chose to talk about, and I realised that writing actual blog posts from time to time couldn’t be that bad. Also, I started to write again. To this day, I am seriously working on my own fantasy novel and am trying to write everyday. However, the inspiration doesn’t come all the day around but I still want to exercice my brain, and this is why launching my blog again could be a great idea— thanks to it, I will be able to write every single day, no matter if I am inspired to write my novel or not.

This time, I won’t pressure myself with a posting schedule. Sure, I want to be active on this blog but that doesn’t mean that I will post every week. I will do so whenever I want and will talk about diverse topics— for instance, I want to write “writing updates” to keep track of my progress and share it with you all. I will also post reviews, which I already write and post on Goodreads. I, of course, will share my wrap-ups here, which will be more detailed that on my Instagram account, but also TBRs (maybe) and hauls. I’ll also recommend some books for every month, season, but also according to their genres. I also want to share my favourite things of every month or so, which includes tv shows, exhibitions, movies, books etc, and also talk about my studies and organisation tips. I may share some excerpts of my writing or just some thoughts— writing my feelings may help my anxiety which is at its worst this year. I can even talk about my cyclothymia and anxiety, sharing with you my experience on how I deal with this everyday. Many other ideas can come to my mind in the future, like telling you all how I edit my Instagram pictures, and I hope that you will all love it.

So, here I am, taking a brand new start, hoping it will work out this time and will help me to stay motivated through the year. I truly hope that I won’t disappoint any of you and that you will understand that I am doing this mostly for me. I can’t promise to post every week, to do as I said, to talk about every subjects I mentionned earlier— all I can do is promise you all to keep trying to become a better person and to use this blog as a way to share more with you but mostly to help myself to be more organised, to write more, to be honest with myself, to talk about my feelings and to reduce my anxiety.

Love always,

Clara

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